Thought-provoking & Inspirational
By the time we're seventeen years old, we've heard "No, you can't," an average of 150,000 times. We've heard "Yes, you can," about 5000 times. That's thirty no's for every yes. That makes for a powerful belief of "I can't."
~John Assaraf & Murray Smith, The Answer
- Roughly a quarter of American adults (23%) say they haven’t read a book in whole or in part in the past year, whether in print, electronic or audio form, according to a Pew Research Center survey of U.S. adults conducted Jan. 25-Feb. 8, 2021.
- According to a University of Scranton survey, only 8% of adults achieve their goals, which is a 92% failure rate.
- According to Reliable Plant, only 20% of people set goals for themselves, which means that 80% of people don’t set goals.
- What’s even more unfortunate is that out of the 20% of people who do set goals, only about 30% of people will succeed. That means that only a third of those people who set goals actually achieve them and of all people, that makes 6%.
The oldest rule of good conversation and good speech is that you must think always of the interests of the person or group to whom you are talking. Their thoughts are centered on the things that relate to their welfare. They give their attention readily to matters that involve them, their hopes, their families, their futures, their lives. Notice how often a person who replies to your conversation speaks of the things that concern them. You say, "Monday seems to be the busiest day for work in the office." They reply, "I have my heaviest day on Tuesday." Like all of us, they usually think in terms of their affairs (Herbert Prochnow & Herbert Prochnow, Jr., 5100 Quotations for Speakers and Writers, p. 6)
Four Clusters of Regret by Daniel H. Pink in The Power of Regret
Foundation regrets: These are the regrets from not "doing the work." Not laying the foundation for a more stable, less precarious life. Things like, not saving money for retirement. Not getting a certain degree, not exercising and eating right to take good care of your body.
Moral regrets: Regrets in which you did the wrong thing. Bullying is an example, or choices of unkindness. "I was stunned by how many people regretted bullying people younger in their life, and marital infidelity," Pink said.
Connection regrets: "If only I'd reached out," is the telltale sign of a connection regret. It is the largest category of regrets, and they are about relationships — family, friendships, romantic and beyond. These regrets come about when people drift apart, but neither tries to connect for fear it's awkward. Reaching out, Pink says, is "very rarely as awkward as people think, and it's almost always well-received."
Boldness regrets: Boldness regrets are about a chance that wasn't taken. Things like opportunities to study abroad or leaving a dead-end job, but for whatever reason, you chose to play it safe.
The psychology of regret: how inaction affects our sense of self by Hanna Rose, NESSLABS
Psychologists consider that three main domains make up the perception of the self. Your “actual self” is who you currently are; your “ought self” is who you think you should be based on your obligations or responsibilities; your “ideal self” is who you could be, or who you might dream of being.
In their paper, Davidai and Gilovich explain that we develop our ideal self through our hopes, dreams, and desires for who we hope to be in the future. You may aspire to be financially successful, loved by your friends, or well-respected within your professional circle. However, if these aspirations are not achieved, the resultant feelings of regret can be long-lasting, and in some cases, even span a lifetime.
The study showed that whilst 24% of participants regretted the things they ought to have done, 76% regretted things that they could have done, but did not. The reason for this discrepancy could be that action-related regrets are easier to learn from, and therefore turn into a growth opportunity.
The video on the right shows Tommy Fergeson's attempt to land on the flatbed of a trailer. Unfortunately, he crashed arm-first into the side of the trailer. Later, his arm was amputated. What's inspirational about Tommy is that he returned to skydiving only a short time after this event. I have always been intrigued by the resolve some folks show. I am curious about how we can learn from these folks who take risks, experience loss, and continue forward.
On Precision
So there it is in words
Precise
And if you read between the lines
You will find nothing there
For that is the discipline I ask
Not more, not less
Not the world as it is
Nor ought to be –
Only the precision
The skeleton of Truth
I do not dabble in emotion
Hint at implications
Evoke the ghosts of old forgotten creeds
All that is for the preacher
The hypnotist, therapist and missionary
They will come after me
And us the little that I said
To bait more traps
For those who cannot bear
The lonely
Skeleton
Of Truth
(Bateson)
On Fear
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, talented?' Actually, who are you not to be? Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
~ Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love
On Circularity
The eye is the first circle;
the horizon which it forms is the second;
and throughout nature
this primary picture
is repeated without end.
~ Emerson, 1841
On Concepts
…I listed a number of imperfectly defined explanatory notions which are commonly used in the behavioral sciences – ‘ego,’ ‘anxiety,’ ‘instinct,’ ‘purpose,’ ‘mind,’ ‘self,’ ‘fixed action pattern,’ ‘intelligence,’ ‘stupidity,’ ‘maturity,’ and the like. For the sake of politeness I call these ‘heuristic’ concepts; but, in truth, most of them are so loosely derived and so mutually irrelevant that they mix together to form a conceptual fog which does much to delay the progress of science.
~ Gregory Bateson, Steps to an Ecology of Mind
On Marriage
Less than favorable trends
According to PEW Research Center, "when it comes to finding a spouse or partner, Americans are more than twice as likely to say younger adults today have it harder than their parents’ generation (46%) than to say they have it easier (21%). Around a third (32%) say it’s about the same."
The PEW article adds "On some other measures, Americans are more positive in their assessments of young adults’ circumstances. A significant majority of U.S. adults (74%) say it is easier for younger generations today to stay in touch with family and friends. Only 14% say this is harder for young adults compared with their parents’ generation. A plurality (41%) says getting into college is easier for young adults today compared with their parents’ generation; 33% say it’s harder for young adults today and 26% say it’s about the same. On some other measures, Americans are more positive in their assessments of young adults’ circumstances. A significant majority of U.S. adults (74%) say it is easier for younger generations today to stay in touch with family and friends. Only 14% say this is harder for young adults compared with their parents’ generation. A plurality (41%) says getting into college is easier for young adults today compared with their parents’ generation; 33% say it’s harder for young adults today and 26% say it’s about the same."
What's Meaningful?
From the PEW Research Center:
On balance, people around the world most often cite family – followed by occupation and material well-being – when asked to describe what makes their lives meaningful. But the list looks somewhat different among the youngest and oldest adults, according to a Pew Research Center survey of 17 publics, conducted in spring 2021, that asked adults to describe in their own words where they find meaning, fulfillment and satisfaction in their lives. Among those ages 18 to 29, friends and community often rank in the top three responses offered – usually second to family and far outpacing material well-being. Among those ages 65 and older, material well-being and health are frequently mentioned as top sources of meaning, while occupation isn’t mentioned enough to make the top three responses in any place surveyed. In all but four of the publics surveyed, those ages 18 to 29 rank family among the top three sources of meaning in their lives. Still, in many places, fewer young adults say they derive meaning from their families and children than is the case among those in the middle age groups (ages 30 to 49 and 50 to 64). Mentions of friends and community are particularly common among those under age 30. In 13 publics surveyed, friends rank as one of the top three sources of meaning for this age group; they are the top source of meaning for 18- to 29-year-olds in the Netherlands and Greece. One 20-year-old Dutch man, for instance, said he draws meaning from “spending time with other people – not digitally, but in real life. The friendships I have.”
From the National Institutes of Health
Researchers at the National Institutes of Health (NIH) found that rates of preteen suicide (ages 8-12) have been increasing by approximately 8% annually since 2008. These increases were most pronounced among female preteens, American Indian/Alaska Native or Asian/Pacific Islander preteens, and Hispanic preteens. While the overall number of preteen suicides is small compared to teen and adult populations, the researchers say the findings from this analysis underscore the need for age-appropriate and culturally responsive prevention efforts that include suicide risk screening and lethal means safety counseling. The findings also highlight the need to better understand, identify, and help preteens who may be at risk for suicide.
Using 2001-2022 data from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s Web-based Injury Statistics Query and Reporting System for U.S. youth (ages 8-12) , the researchers examined suicide deaths overall and by sex, race, ethnicity, suicide method, metropolitan or non-metropolitan area, and geographic region.
The researchers found:
- Female preteens had a disproportionate increase in suicide rate compared to male preteens.
- Black preteens had the highest overall suicide rate.
- Hispanic preteens had the greatest percent increase in suicide rate.
- Hanging and suffocation were the most common suicide methods, but firearms were the most rapidly increasing suicide method.
The study was conducted in collaboration with lead researcher Donna A. Ruch and colleagues from The Ohio State University College of Medicine and Nationwide Children’s Hospital, Columbus, and researchers at the Washington University School of Medicine, St. Louis. The study appears in the journal JAMA Network Open.
Personal Story
From Anxiety & Depression Association of America https://adaa.org/living-with-anxiety/personal-stories/social-anxiety-and-handmade-jewelry
Social Anxiety and Handmade Jewelry
Throughout my life I have struggled immensely with social anxiety, especially after the lockdowns from the pandemic. At one point, this fear became so severe that I would make up excuses to miss school because I was so afraid of being called on in class or talking in front of others. I spent lots of time studying before lectures even started so I could be confident in my answers and lessen this anxiety. Social anxiety restricted virtually every action and guided every decision I did.
In 2023, I picked up jewelry-making initially as a hobby. Unfortunately, I started to use this hobby as an excuse to stay at home and an unhealthy way for me to escape from my anxiety. If you would have told me that I would be selling those same pieces at outdoor markets and love connecting with hundreds of people at these events a year later, the past-me would have fainted. I want to take action and use my passion for jewelry to help people feel confident in themselves.
I didn't even know that the immense fear I had about how people perceived me was called social anxiety, let alone how to get support to overcome it. I want to do anything I can to help spread awareness about mental health which is why I happily donate 50% of my proceeds from my jewelry business to ADAA.Discover Elaine's handmade jewelry on instagram: @elainamakesjewelry and purchase online via Depop at @elainamakesjewelry
Growing Spirituality
According to the PEW Research Center, "Some 41% of U.S. adults say they have grown more spiritual over the course of their lifetime, compared with 24% who say they have become more religious. In contrast, 13% of U.S. adults say they have become less spiritual over time, while 33% say they have become less religious."
The article on PEW adds: "The rest say their spirituality and level of religiosity have either stayed the same or fluctuated – sometimes increasing and at other times decreasing. We asked respondents how their spirituality and religiosity have changed as part of a wider U.S. study that explored the concept of spirituality and how it differs from religion. We did not define the words “spiritual” or “religious” in the survey, nor did we ask whether any changes in spirituality or religiosity were part of a gradual long-term shift, a sudden dramatic one or something else. However, the broader study did ask respondents to describe, in their own words, what the word “spirituality” means to them. Roughly a quarter gave descriptions tied to organized religion – for example, citing a belief in God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit or other elements of Christian theology. About a third of respondents offered responses that we categorized as “beliefs in something else,” such as belief in a higher power or belief in the unseen or otherworldly."
