The Concept of Whirligogs

Whirligogs refer to the complex emotional and psychological mechanisms that influence our interactions and perceptions in relationships. In essence, they can be thought of as the swirling patterns of behavior and thought that dictate how we connect with others. These patterns often emerge from past experiences, cultural backgrounds, and personal beliefs, leading to varying degrees of intimacy and understanding. Recognizing the presence of whirligogs in our relationships is the first step towards fostering healthier connections. By acknowledging the role they play, we can begin to dismantle barriers that induce misunderstanding and disconnection.

Understanding Whirligogs: A Unique Perspective

In the intricate tapestry of human relationships, disjunctions often arise that can complicate our understanding of one another. This page delves into the concept of whirligogs, exploring its significance in the context of relationship dynamics and the broader theme of human bondage. By grasping these ideas, we can enhance our comprehension of the ties that bind us and those that may separate us.

Moving Forward with Awareness

To truly benefit from the understanding of whirligogs and their categorization, one must engage in self-reflection and open dialogue. This journey involves examining our own patterns and behaviors, as well as being receptive to the feelings and perspectives of others. Cultivating awareness is crucial in transcending relationship disjunctions. As we open ourselves to vulnerability and empathy, we create space for authentic connections that honor our individuality while also acknowledging our shared human experiences. Ultimately, embracing the concept of whirligogs can lead us to deeper, more fulfilling relationships and a greater understanding of the bonds that tie us together.

Laing

"The patterns delineated here have not yet been classified by a Linnaeus of human bondage. They are all, perhaps, strangely familiar. Although I have thought up others, in these pages I have confined myself to laying out only some of those I have actually seen. Words that come to mind are: knots, tangles, fankles, impasses, disjunctions, whirligogs, binds. I could have remained closer to the 'raw' data in which these patterns appeared. I could have distilled them further towards a completely abstract logico-mathematical calculus. I hope they are not so schematized, that m[one may not refer back to the very specific experiences from which they derive, and yet sufficiently independent of 'content,' that one may divine the final formal elegance in these webs of maya."   

                                                                                                                         ~ RD Laing, Knots  

It is our duty to bring up our children to love,

honour and obey us.

If they don't, they must be punished,

otherwise we would not be doing our duty.

 

If they grow up to love, honour and obey us

we have been blessed for bringing them up properly.

 

If they grow up not to love, honour and obey us

         either we have brought them up properly

         or we have not:

if we have

         there must be something the matter with them;

if we have not

         there is something the matter with us. 

Once upon a time, when Jack was little,

he wanted to be with his mommy all the time

and was frightened she would go away

 

later, when he was a little bigger,

he wanted to be away from his mommy

and was frightened that

she wanted him to be with her all the time

 

when he grew up he fell in love with Jill

and he wanted to be with her all the time

and was frightened she would go away

 

when he was a little older,

he did not want to be with Jill all the time

he was frightened 

that she wanted to be with him all the time, and

that she was frightened

that he did not want to be with her all the time.

 

Jack frightens Jill he will leave her

because he is frightened she will leave him.

 

They are playing a game. They are playing at not 

playing a game. If I show them I see they are, I

shall break the rules and they will punish me. 

I must play their game, of not seeing I see the game. 

My mother loves me.

       I feel good.

I feel good because she loves me.

 

I am good because I feel good

I feel good because I am good

My mother loves me because I am good.

 

My mother does not love me.

       I feel bad.

I feel bad because she does not love me

       I am bad because I feel bad

I feel bad because I am bad

I am bad because she does not love me

She does not love me because I am bad.

I don't feel good

therefore I am bad

therefore no one loves me.

 

I feel good

therefore I am good

therefore everyone loves me.

 

I am good

You do not love me

therefore you are bad. So I do not love you.

 

I am good

You love me

therefore you are good. So I love you.

 

I am bad

You love me

therefore you are bad. 

There must be something the matter with him

       because he would not be acting as he does

              unless there was

       therefore he is acting as he is

       because there is something the matter with him

 

He does not think there is anything the matter with him because

       one of the things that is

       the matter with him

       is that he does not think that there is anything

       the matter with him

therefore

       we have to help him realize that,

       the fact that he does not think there is anything

       the matter with him

       is one of the things that is

       the matter with him. 

I never got what I wanted.

I always got what I did not want.

What I want

       I shall not get.

 

Therefore, to get it

       I must not want it

since I only get what I don't want.

 

       what I want, I can't get

       what I get, I don't want

 

I can't get it

       because I want it

I get it

       because I don't want it.

 

I want what I can't get

because

       what I can get is what I don't want

 

I never get what I want

I never want what I get

 

Paradoxes by Paul Watzlawick, John Weakland, and Richard Fisch

I think what I am trying to say is:

I want Andy to learn to do things,

and I want him to do things –

but I want him to want to do them.

I mean, he could follow orders blindly and not want to.

I realize that I am making a mistake,

I cannot pinpoint what I am doing wrong,

but I cannot agree with dictating to him what to do –

yet if a child were to be completely on his own like that,

he would eventually be mired down into a room this deep (referring to clothes on the floor) or whatever –

no, these are – there are two extremes.

I want him to want to do things, but I realize it’s going to be something that we have to teach him.

(Change, p. 62)

Wife: Obviously, baking powder matters more to you than I do. I could have figured out about the baking powder myself – but it doesn’t matter to you that I want you to enjoy the cake.

Husband: I’m not denying this for one minute and I’m glad you want to bake a cake for me. I was only talking about baking powder, not about you.

Wife: It’s amazing how you men manage to keep things so compartmentalized! You make a woman feel all shivery!

Husband: The real problem is how you women manage to make baking powder into a measure of love!

(And so on.)

(Watzlawick, 1988)

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