Four Clusters of Regret by Daniel H. Pink in The Power of Regret
Foundation regrets: These are the regrets from not "doing the work." Not laying the foundation for a more stable, less precarious life. Things like, not saving money for retirement. Not getting a certain degree, not exercising and eating right to take good care of your body.
Moral regrets: Regrets in which you did the wrong thing. Bullying is an example, or choices of unkindness. "I was stunned by how many people regretted bullying people younger in their life, and marital infidelity," Pink said.
Connection regrets: "If only I'd reached out," is the telltale sign of a connection regret. It is the largest category of regrets, and they are about relationships — family, friendships, romantic and beyond. These regrets come about when people drift apart, but neither tries to connect for fear it's awkward. Reaching out, Pink says, is "very rarely as awkward as people think, and it's almost always well-received."
Boldness regrets: Boldness regrets are about a chance that wasn't taken. Things like opportunities to study abroad or leaving a dead-end job, but for whatever reason, you chose to play it safe.
The psychology of regret: how inaction affects our sense of self by Hanna Rose, NESSLABS
Psychologists consider that three main domains make up the perception of the self. Your “actual self” is who you currently are; your “ought self” is who you think you should be based on your obligations or responsibilities; your “ideal self” is who you could be, or who you might dream of being.
In their paper, Davidai and Gilovich explain that we develop our ideal self through our hopes, dreams, and desires for who we hope to be in the future. You may aspire to be financially successful, loved by your friends, or well-respected within your professional circle. However, if these aspirations are not achieved, the resultant feelings of regret can be long-lasting, and in some cases, even span a lifetime.
The study showed that whilst 24% of participants regretted the things they ought to have done, 76% regretted things that they could have done, but did not. The reason for this discrepancy could be that action-related regrets are easier to learn from, and therefore turn into a growth opportunity.
Less than favorable trends
According to PEW Research Center, "when it comes to finding a spouse or partner, Americans are more than twice as likely to say younger adults today have it harder than their parents’ generation (46%) than to say they have it easier (21%). Around a third (32%) say it’s about the same."
The PEW article adds "On some other measures, Americans are more positive in their assessments of young adults’ circumstances. A significant majority of U.S. adults (74%) say it is easier for younger generations today to stay in touch with family and friends. Only 14% say this is harder for young adults compared with their parents’ generation. A plurality (41%) says getting into college is easier for young adults today compared with their parents’ generation; 33% say it’s harder for young adults today and 26% say it’s about the same. On some other measures, Americans are more positive in their assessments of young adults’ circumstances. A significant majority of U.S. adults (74%) say it is easier for younger generations today to stay in touch with family and friends. Only 14% say this is harder for young adults compared with their parents’ generation. A plurality (41%) says getting into college is easier for young adults today compared with their parents’ generation; 33% say it’s harder for young adults today and 26% say it’s about the same."
What's Meaningful?
From the PEW Research Center:
On balance, people around the world most often cite family – followed by occupation and material well-being – when asked to describe what makes their lives meaningful. But the list looks somewhat different among the youngest and oldest adults, according to a Pew Research Center survey of 17 publics, conducted in spring 2021, that asked adults to describe in their own words where they find meaning, fulfillment and satisfaction in their lives. Among those ages 18 to 29, friends and community often rank in the top three responses offered – usually second to family and far outpacing material well-being. Among those ages 65 and older, material well-being and health are frequently mentioned as top sources of meaning, while occupation isn’t mentioned enough to make the top three responses in any place surveyed. In all but four of the publics surveyed, those ages 18 to 29 rank family among the top three sources of meaning in their lives. Still, in many places, fewer young adults say they derive meaning from their families and children than is the case among those in the middle age groups (ages 30 to 49 and 50 to 64). Mentions of friends and community are particularly common among those under age 30. In 13 publics surveyed, friends rank as one of the top three sources of meaning for this age group; they are the top source of meaning for 18- to 29-year-olds in the Netherlands and Greece. One 20-year-old Dutch man, for instance, said he draws meaning from “spending time with other people – not digitally, but in real life. The friendships I have.”
Growing Spirituality
According to the PEW Research Center, "Some 41% of U.S. adults say they have grown more spiritual over the course of their lifetime, compared with 24% who say they have become more religious. In contrast, 13% of U.S. adults say they have become less spiritual over time, while 33% say they have become less religious."
The article on PEW adds: "The rest say their spirituality and level of religiosity have either stayed the same or fluctuated – sometimes increasing and at other times decreasing. We asked respondents how their spirituality and religiosity have changed as part of a wider U.S. study that explored the concept of spirituality and how it differs from religion. We did not define the words “spiritual” or “religious” in the survey, nor did we ask whether any changes in spirituality or religiosity were part of a gradual long-term shift, a sudden dramatic one or something else. However, the broader study did ask respondents to describe, in their own words, what the word “spirituality” means to them. Roughly a quarter gave descriptions tied to organized religion – for example, citing a belief in God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit or other elements of Christian theology. About a third of respondents offered responses that we categorized as “beliefs in something else,” such as belief in a higher power or belief in the unseen or otherworldly."